Well, finally,,, a decision has been made... We go to Duke on May 18 at 8am for pre-op for the VNS placement and then Gage has a birthday two years old on the 20th.  On Monday May 24 we travel to Duke or we may have to go up the 23rd depending on the check in time, and on the 24th the TEAM has been assembled to place the VNS. The team consists of the surgeon Dr Grant, his nurses, general anesthesia, VNS-has their own team of people who are in surgical suite in case of a problem and for initial settings, neurologist Dr Gallentine.  We will stay in the hospital one night (hopefully if Gage cooperates) and then we will come home.  We are very nervous about this because there are so many IFs.....and a 60-80% chance it will help....that seems like a large range to me. I was really trying not to sway Beth and ML about the placement, but Gage has been denied being in the last 2 drug studies due to the increase in his seizure activity. So our options were to 1. Place the VNS   OR 2. Increase the Phenobarbital and current Meds which are very sedative and have side effects that make him very sleepy and really do not reduce the seizures but just ZONK him......that is not a way to live..  So we have to look at Quality of Life for Gage-not Quantity of Life.  We pray this VNS will work.  It will look like a pace maker on the left side of his chest and a wire will extend up into his neck to wrap around the vagal nerve and prevent seizures. We will have to go to Duke every 2 weeks to have it adjusted for a while, and results optimum may take up to a year.  Gage has had a Horrible Seizure weekend with one after another and multiple Diastat (valium) used, and one episode of not breathing for a short period so I think this was the straw that sent them over the edge.  Beth told me Tuesday-yes and plans were made...... I worry-I laugh at those two words b/c I worry all the time. I am probably going to gave a heart attack or nervous breakdown before this is all straight.  Anyway....I have realized I have NO PATIENCE for people who take LIFE for granted; the basic abilities to walk, talk, run, eat on your own should not be taken for granted. Gage will be two in a couple of weeks and he only says a handful of words-mama, dada, no (some say meme); He rolls, He does not sit on his own, He does not walk; He is still cutting teeth-and is cutting multiple ones now. But nothing is easy. There are a whole lot of people out there just like us.  Yet there are people out there who have healthy kids who ignore them, abuse them-physically, and mentally and justify it because they are overworked, under paid or were wronged as kids themselves. These abusers are not always the dregs of the earths but Christians who also justify, and transfer their wrong doings onto others to make themselves feel better.  The one thing I look at when I look at Gage or children is that they are INNOCENT and so much more closer to Christ than I am.  There is nothing between them and the Lord; Life warps us and makes us believe that what we are doing is right. We even quote scripture and make it justify our actions when in truth we know we are wrong.  I will be honest every time we go for a test, surgery, I question the Lord as to WHY? and I KNOW I am not supposed to do this.  Yet I do showing my sinning nature again. I want to know why he has to go thru so much; when is enough enough?; Sometimes I even hold him or pat him and beg to take his pain;  But.....that is not how it goes....My friend Dawn told when Beth her child broke her arm  the other day that it hurt her and I understand this.  Jimmy and Tammy have gotten Gage an evaluation with Shriner's in Greenville, SC but we have a lot of arrangements to make after the VNS.  So we may have to delay this for a while. We another appointment for follow up Duke on May 28 with the Developmental MD/Genetic hopefully we can combine all the VNS tune ups with the other appts so I can work too. Please continue to pray for us and I am sure I will email after pre op because I am nervous and nervous typing. I know that some on my email list have needs and know that I send up prayers daily for all those on my prayer list. I pray in my walk in closet face down every morning (chuck thought I had lost something the first time he saw me there), but it is my place.  I pray on the road driving-but don't close my eyes, and I have found you can just STOP and pray anywhere God listens 24/7.  May God Bless you and Yours and Thank you for all you do for our family and my little sugar plum.
*BETH*